Now It’s Toilet Paper

The environmentalist wackos just won’t stop until they demonize and eliminate anything of which they disapprove.

Now it’s your toilet paper they want to get rid of.

The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public’s insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.

“This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous,” said Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council.

“Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.” Making toilet paper has a significant impact because of chemicals used in pulp manufacture and cutting down forests.

A campaign by Greenpeace seeks to raise consciousness among Americans about the environmental costs of their toilet habits and counter an aggressive new push by the paper industry giants to market so-called luxury brands.

More than 98% of the toilet roll sold in America comes from virgin forests, said Hershkowitz. In Europe and Latin America, up to 40% of toilet paper comes from recycled products. Greenpeace this week launched a cut-out-and-keep ecological ranking of toilet paper products.

“We have this myth in the US that recycled is just so low quality, it’s like cardboard and is impossible to use,” said Lindsey Allen, the forestry campaigner of Greenpeace.

The campaigning group says it produced the guide to counter an aggressive marketing push by the big paper product makers in which celebrities talk about the comforts of luxury brands of toilet paper and tissue.

Those brands, which put quilting and pockets of air between several layers of paper, are especially damaging to the environment.

That’s right. That roll of toilet paper hanging in your bathroom waiting to do its duty before surrendering to the flush is now a bigger threat to the environment that McDonald’s, private jets, SUVs and any house bigger than a shack.

Seriously. These folks are insane. Or rather, they want us, the Great Unwashed, the Little People, to live like the Unabomber while they exempt themselves from the spartan lifestyle they seek to impose on everyone else.

If they have their way, we’ll be living in one of these:

Going to the john in one of these:

Wiping with these:

By the way, I had some dipshit that isn’t allowed to post here try to post anyway and say they had some wonderful toilets in Japan with built-in bidets. Well, whoop-de-doo! If you want one, move to Japan. Or put one in your own house. But if you insist on being a barking moonbat, go right ahead, but you don’t have the right to force me to be one as well.

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